How Therapy Gives Your Child the Language for Big Feelings

More Than Just Play: How Therapy Gives Your Child the Language for Big Feelings

By: Sadaf Khan, Founder of Horizon Healing Psychotherapy

As parents, we often wish our children came with a manual or at the very least, a translator. We watch our little ones navigate a world that is vast, loud, and often confusing. We see the sudden outbursts over a “wrong” colored cup, the quiet withdrawal after a day at school, or the restless nights filled with unspoken worries.

When a child is struggling, the most common advice is to “talk to them.” But for a child, sitting across from an adult to discuss their “anxiety” or “frustration” can feel impossible. They don’t yet have the neurological hardware to process complex emotions through verbal logic.

This is where the power of therapy comes in. At Horizon Healing Psychotherapy, we often hear the question: “Is it just play?” The answer is both simple and profound: Play is the child’s language, and toys are their words.

The Biological “Why”: Understanding the Developing Brain

To understand why play is so vital in therapy, we have to look at how a child’s brain develops. The prefrontal cortex the part of the brain responsible for logic, reasoning, and complex language isn’t fully developed until a person is in their mid-twenties.

When a child experiences “Big Feelings” whether it’s grief, fear from a life transition, or the pressure of social dynamics they experience it in the emotional and sensory parts of their brain. They feel it in their racing hearts, their tight tummies, and their clenched fists. Because they lack the verbal vocabulary to say, “I feel overwhelmed by the transition to a new school,” that feeling is translated into behavior: a tantrum, defiance, or bed-wetting.

Therapy provides a bridge. By using play-based and expressive techniques, we meet the child where they are developmentally, rather than forcing them into an adult’s world of “talk therapy.”

Play as a Symbolic Language

In the safe, contained environment of a therapy room, a dollhouse isn’t just a toy; it’s a stage where a child can act out family dynamics. A bin of sand and miniature figures isn’t just a game; it’s a landscape where a child can bury their fears or build a fortress of safety.

When a child plays, they are engaging in symbolic communication. They can project their internal struggles onto a character. For example, a child who is experiencing bullying might play out a scene where a “brave lion” stands up to a “scary monster.” Through this play, the child:

1. Gains a sense of control: In the real world, they may feel powerless. In play, they are the director.
2. Processes trauma safely: By placing the “scary” feeling on a toy, they create a healthy distance from the emotion, making it less overwhelming to process.
3. Tests solutions: They can try out different endings to a story, helping them build problem-solving skills they can eventually use in real life.

Building the “Emotional Vocabulary”

While the play happens, the role of the therapist at Horizon Healing is to act as the “Emotional Translator.”

As a Registered Therapist (Qualifying), my role is to observe these patterns and gently reflect them back to the child. If a child is aggressively crashing toy cars together, I might say, “Those cars look very frustrated. They have so much energy and they don’t know where to put it.”

This simple act does something revolutionary for a child: it labels the feeling. Over time, the child begins to connect the physical sensation of “hot” anger or “heavy” sadness with a name. By giving them the language for their big feelings, we move the emotion from a scary, chaotic physical experience to a manageable, named concept. Once a feeling has a name, it loses its power to overwhelm.

The Goal: Resilience, Not Just Relief

The objective of child therapy isn’t just to stop a specific behavior; it’s to build a foundation of emotional intelligence that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

When a child learns through therapy that it is okay to feel angry, that sadness can be shared, and that they have the tools to calm their own nervous system, they become resilient. They learn that they don’t have to navigate their “internal horizon” alone.

A Partnership with Parents

At Horizon Healing, we believe that the most successful therapy involves the “village.” You, the parent, are the most important person in your child’s world. While the child is in the room building their vocabulary, we work with you to understand the “why” behind the behaviors.

When you understand that your child’s “defiance” is actually a “big fear” in disguise, your response shifts from frustration to connection. This connection is the ultimate environment for healing.

When to Seek Support

It can be difficult to know when “kids being kids” crosses over into a need for professional support. We often suggest therapy if you notice:

• Persistent changes in sleep or eating habits.
• Regression (e.g., a potty-trained child having frequent accidents).
• Excessive “clinginess” or separation anxiety.
• Physical complaints (stomachaches/headaches) with no medical cause.
• Uncontrollable outbursts that seem out of proportion to the situation.

Finding the Path Forward

Healing is a journey that doesn’t have to be navigated in silence. If your child is struggling with big feelings, or if you are feeling overwhelmed as a parent, know that there is a safe space waiting for you.

At Horizon Healing Psychotherapy, we are dedicated to helping families find focus, peace, and stronger connections. We offer a free 20-minute consultation to discuss your child’s needs and how we can help them find their voice through play, through language, and through heart.

Let’s help your child find the words they need to heal.

Visit www.horizonhealingpsychotherapy.ca to book your session today.